Do Not Get Married!!!

Do Not Get Married:

If you (or he) cannot love thy enemyIf you believe there will not be times when you would like to smother the love of your life with a pillow while they sleep, you are sadly mistaken. I am tired of people painting marriage like rainbows and roses. I don’t care how great you think your relationship is now because once that thresh hold is crossed, reality sets in and you begin to see one another for the imperfect people you really are. Then marriage begins feeling like thorn bushes and nails on the chalk board. The reality is in marriage seasons change. Some months you can’t keep your hands off each other then some, you don’t want their hands to come near you. Love is being able to hold in there when you can’t stand one another; when offense has piled on top of offense and they just can’t seem to catch a clue. Love is waiting through those tough times because you know better are to come. And the truth is that tough times will last years sometimes. If you don’t think you can live in the same house hold with your worst enemy then you better not get married! Because you are in for a rude awakening. You need to make sure your partner is capable of this as well. If they cannot love you in your worst then they will give up on the marriage. If people are honest, they get married for the better and not the worst. As the years progress, the good seasons begin to overshadow the bad as you learn how to become one. But you need to make sure the both of you can persevere through the worst to get to the better. I am tired of seeing people giving up so easily. It’s easy to give up but it’s hard to persevere. Can you persevere (suffer through pain)?????? Then get married. Marriage is for life not until you get tired of each other. If you believe otherwise, do not get married!!!!

If you (or he) cannot forgiveDivorce is the product of unforgiveness. Your mate is going to do things that you don’t like, bottom line! Sometimes they will do a hundred things wrong in one day. Jesus says to forgive 7 x 77 times. Are you prepared to forgive that many times for the many years to come? Offenses will occur, so plenty of forgiveness is required in order for marriage to survive. Holding on to offenses only results in resentment and resentment results into bitterness and bitterness results in divorce. You have to learn how to let things go. You have to learn the difference between issues and minor problems and how to approach them with a free heart. Everything is not worth being confronted. Pick and choose battles wisely. And when the battle is over leave it in the past where it belongs. There will be times when your mate cannot recognize an offense even when brought to their attention. In those times, you have to choose to wait until they can see it, however long it may take. Nagging doesn’t make someone recognize their wrongs. Only God has the power to bring about revelation in another. And until then you must decide to let it go and forgive. So if all you are going to do is shove offenses under a rug or let an atomic bomb go off in your heart after each one, do not get married!!!

If he (or you) cannot ask for help
Marriage cannot survive without wise council. Each person should have wise mentors you can go to when neither have the answer. No one person has all the answers. Otherwise we wouldn’t need one another on this earth. Couples fail when they choose not seek help when needed. Problems occur when there is a breakdown in communication and what is trying to be relayed is not being received. When emotions cloud judgment, sometimes it takes someone on the outside to remove the debris so the truth can be revealed. Only a prideful person believes they have all the answers and has no blind spots. When we think this way, it causes our heart to harden towards God because we are looking to ourselves and not to him. And because he uses others to speak to us we must let our hearts remain open to his council. This what surrendering means. That’s why arrogance is unacceptable because you are saying you believe your way is better than God’s. And whatever is above God will be destroyed and brought low. God has a way of humbling the prideful…and it never feels good. You end up losing things dear to you including your mate. So if you are incapable of surrendering to knowledge and wisdom greater than your own, do not get married!!!

If he (or you) is selfish
In marriage you will have to do things you don’t want to do when you don’t want to do it. Anyone can do things they like but can you do things you don’t like (that don’t compromise your beliefs)? That’s what love really is. Marriage is about putting the needs of another before your own. It’s about being concerned how the other feels. If you are incapable of doing this, do not get married!!!

If you cannot follow him
If he doesn’t make good decisions now, he won’t make them later! If he cannot control his anger now, he will not control it later! If he doesn’t protect you now, he won’t protect you later! If he has no ambition now, he won’t have any later. If he only follows his own rules, you better make sure you like them because you will be following them too. In marriage the wife follows the husband’s lead. Every leader follows a “way”. What is his way he follows? Do you agree with it, because you will be following it as well or there will be division. And division ends in divorce. Yes people can change…but then there are those who don’t want to, or those who take many years to. Are you willing to live in a divided household for years? Division is not pleasant and resentment begins deteriorate the relationship and can result in its failure. Make sure the rules and morals he follows are those you agree with. Just because he claims to be a Christian doesn’t mean he follows all the beliefs. Which laws of the Bible does he follow and which does he not? A good leader has good character and values and is concerned with those following. If he is only concerned with protecting himself, then he will not protect you. You better make sure he has ambition and is going places or you won’t be going anywhere together. If you cannot trust him to be a good leader then do not get married!!!

If he (or you) cannot changeEveryone at some point in their life is required to change. Everyone is faced with downfalls and serious problems within themselves. But what matters is can you recognize them? Can you let them go? Change is difficult and requires humility. If someone is too proud, they are incapable of seeing their faults. Pride will keep you from admission of guilt. Confession is only the beginning then you must desire growth. Those who do not desire growth are satisfied with the way they are regardless of how they affect others. People who cannot change frustrate those who love them. This is not a person you want to be or connect yourself with. Marriage feeds on growth in order to survive. If he or you are happy with things remaining the same, do not get married!!!

This article is for everyone who has a rose colored view on marriage because I’m tired of divorce!!! Anything worth having is worth fighting for…even when you feel like you have not one ounce of strength left. Hold on, because nothing remains the same and better does come if you faint not…


After the pain from learning about one of my closest friend's wanting a divorce from her husband of nearly 10 years, I cried out to God because I was tired of hearing about my family, friends, and Christians (including myself) going through divorce:

February/2011
Lord, what is wrong with your men; who claim to be in your kingdom? Why do they keep leaving good women? Why do they treat good women so poorly? When does it stop? Am I praying about this for no reason? Since the beginning, they have dogged out your women. When does it stop? When do the men stand up and be men? When do the women stand up and require men to be real men? Am I praying for nothing? Is change even possible? Are my tears in vain? When do they start loving your women for real? When do the broken homes stop? When do the children’s hearts stop breaking? If you hear my cry why don’t you do something? When do you step in and stop this brokenness? Why am I going out to help? Will it be for nothing…or will people really listen and turnaround from their selfish ways? Will your kingdom rise up and be examples to the world or am I wasting my breath? Please God help your families. Please stop the divorces and the selfish behavior. Show us how to love one another. Please if you are willing heal the broken hearts and broken homes. Jesus help us please. If prayer works, show me. If you’re word doesn’t lie, show me. Heal your people; restore them to you. Restore our hearts towards you. Prove yourself to me.

As of June 2011, My friend and her husband are now planning to renew their vows on their 10 year anniversary. My sister and brother in law are now planning to renew their vows as well on their 5 year anniversary after a very rocky beginning and almost calling it quits several times. I am hoping for a huge change in the statistics of Christian marriages. As for me, I'm still waiting for the one who is ready to be in it for the long hall...